Going out?

Being 16 in Denmark is not easy - being a teenager in any country is not easy I can imagine. Being a 16 year old american teenager in Denmark is certainly a challenge. She comes from a small town in North Dakota with less than 2000 inhabitants so it is safe to assume that everybody knows everybody and it is fairly safe to be almost anywhere. Even though we too live in a small town most of all activities takes place in Køge, Solrød or Copenhagen. It is important to know where to go and where not to go in order to be safe.

One of the big issues we have had has been going out. We think it is important to socialize with her fellow classmates and the way that is done in a danish school is parties and hanging out with classmates. We have talked at length about safety and checking in with us on a regular basis and it is hard to get through to her that we need to know where she is, who she is with and when she is going home. When we talk to her she understands, but doing it seems to slip her mind a lot once she leaves the door.

When my own kids reach 16 I will know what kind of people they are, what they are capable of and they will know how to act when they are going out. I don't her like that yet. I can't restrict all access to social activities and I can't wait to get to know her well enough to trust she knows what she is doing because then the year is gone. So how can I help her have a good year as an exchange student and keep her safe at the same time?

After a few trials and errors I think we have a good system in place. She texts us when she reaches her destination and when she leaves wherever she is. If we don't hear from her we will start texting and calling - both her and the people she is with. We also had to learn to remember to ask about all the details before she leaves.

Luckily she has many friends and they are very good at taking care of her. They make sure that she is not alone at any time at night and we are confident that she is safe when she is with them and she has now understood that she never should be alone on the street at night and we can sleep peacefully. Although it does seem like we have regressed a bit - three short years ago we sighed and thought no more kids waking us op in the middle of night. The only difference now is that the we not only wake up we also have to start the car and pick her up somewhere :).

Lessons learned
- we know what kind of parents we will be with our kids once they hit 16
- thank god for cellphones - what did our own parents do when we were younger?
- keeping the lines of communication open between you and the student or child is the key.