Friday we went to tivoli for the big halloween display. We had a great day - the three kids each got a ride-bracelet so they could try all the rides. I gladly paid to get out of getting on every roller coaster and carousel. She loves amusement parks and I have to admit I am getting to old for rides now - I get motion sickness just from looking at things that go around and around and up and down.
The big payoff in the investment came after dinner - pizza, very good pizza and plenty of it. The small kids wanted to try one last ride - pirate ships that goes around and up and down. While the parents was trying to remember why that last piece was a good idea she got on the pirate ships with the twins.
Reason number 9 for having an exchange student.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Reason number 10 for having an exchange student
Reason number 10 for having an exchange student is the opportunity educate her in the danish candy "must try's".
First of all - candy from Bonbon - Bonbon candy came out in the 90's where they found a niche in candy with gross names: Dog farts, seagull droppings, rotten fish, big boobs, dirty diapers are among the most famous.
Next are "flødeboller": A waffle bottom topped with a sweet foam covered in chocolate.
Sunday we tried chocolate frogs with a caramel filling and a mint filling:
Next up are chocolate turtles: Dark chocolate with a caramel AND mint filling!
What we have to do in the name of international exchange!!
First of all - candy from Bonbon - Bonbon candy came out in the 90's where they found a niche in candy with gross names: Dog farts, seagull droppings, rotten fish, big boobs, dirty diapers are among the most famous.
Next are "flødeboller": A waffle bottom topped with a sweet foam covered in chocolate.
Sunday we tried chocolate frogs with a caramel filling and a mint filling:
Next up are chocolate turtles: Dark chocolate with a caramel AND mint filling!
What we have to do in the name of international exchange!!
Taking care of another mothers child
I am in awe of anybody who takes the leap of faith and send their child across the world to live with a family of strangers for a year.
I am thankful that I have been given the privilege to help her grow as a person and learn important lessons about herself this year.
I am thankful for the opportunity to give a young girl the experience that I once had
I am thankful to take part in a global effort to understanding between cultures.
I am thankful to witness the transformation that takes place when cultural exchange takes effect
I am glad to experience the exchange experience from another angle
I love international exchange!
I am thankful that I have been given the privilege to help her grow as a person and learn important lessons about herself this year.
I am thankful for the opportunity to give a young girl the experience that I once had
I am thankful to take part in a global effort to understanding between cultures.
I am thankful to witness the transformation that takes place when cultural exchange takes effect
I am glad to experience the exchange experience from another angle
I love international exchange!
Going out?
Being 16 in Denmark is not easy - being a teenager in any country is not easy I can imagine. Being a 16 year old american teenager in Denmark is certainly a challenge. She comes from a small town in North Dakota with less than 2000 inhabitants so it is safe to assume that everybody knows everybody and it is fairly safe to be almost anywhere. Even though we too live in a small town most of all activities takes place in Køge, Solrød or Copenhagen. It is important to know where to go and where not to go in order to be safe.
One of the big issues we have had has been going out. We think it is important to socialize with her fellow classmates and the way that is done in a danish school is parties and hanging out with classmates. We have talked at length about safety and checking in with us on a regular basis and it is hard to get through to her that we need to know where she is, who she is with and when she is going home. When we talk to her she understands, but doing it seems to slip her mind a lot once she leaves the door.
When my own kids reach 16 I will know what kind of people they are, what they are capable of and they will know how to act when they are going out. I don't her like that yet. I can't restrict all access to social activities and I can't wait to get to know her well enough to trust she knows what she is doing because then the year is gone. So how can I help her have a good year as an exchange student and keep her safe at the same time?
After a few trials and errors I think we have a good system in place. She texts us when she reaches her destination and when she leaves wherever she is. If we don't hear from her we will start texting and calling - both her and the people she is with. We also had to learn to remember to ask about all the details before she leaves.
Luckily she has many friends and they are very good at taking care of her. They make sure that she is not alone at any time at night and we are confident that she is safe when she is with them and she has now understood that she never should be alone on the street at night and we can sleep peacefully. Although it does seem like we have regressed a bit - three short years ago we sighed and thought no more kids waking us op in the middle of night. The only difference now is that the we not only wake up we also have to start the car and pick her up somewhere :).
Lessons learned
- we know what kind of parents we will be with our kids once they hit 16
- thank god for cellphones - what did our own parents do when we were younger?
- keeping the lines of communication open between you and the student or child is the key.
One of the big issues we have had has been going out. We think it is important to socialize with her fellow classmates and the way that is done in a danish school is parties and hanging out with classmates. We have talked at length about safety and checking in with us on a regular basis and it is hard to get through to her that we need to know where she is, who she is with and when she is going home. When we talk to her she understands, but doing it seems to slip her mind a lot once she leaves the door.
When my own kids reach 16 I will know what kind of people they are, what they are capable of and they will know how to act when they are going out. I don't her like that yet. I can't restrict all access to social activities and I can't wait to get to know her well enough to trust she knows what she is doing because then the year is gone. So how can I help her have a good year as an exchange student and keep her safe at the same time?
After a few trials and errors I think we have a good system in place. She texts us when she reaches her destination and when she leaves wherever she is. If we don't hear from her we will start texting and calling - both her and the people she is with. We also had to learn to remember to ask about all the details before she leaves.
Luckily she has many friends and they are very good at taking care of her. They make sure that she is not alone at any time at night and we are confident that she is safe when she is with them and she has now understood that she never should be alone on the street at night and we can sleep peacefully. Although it does seem like we have regressed a bit - three short years ago we sighed and thought no more kids waking us op in the middle of night. The only difference now is that the we not only wake up we also have to start the car and pick her up somewhere :).
Lessons learned
- we know what kind of parents we will be with our kids once they hit 16
- thank god for cellphones - what did our own parents do when we were younger?
- keeping the lines of communication open between you and the student or child is the key.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Part of the family
The question I get the most is how is she doing and is she a part of the family yet. Both my husband and I consider her a part of the family. The kids is another story. After the initial excitement and she became very busy with school and friends the kids basically just reduced her to the "girl who lives in the guestroom". Kids are like that if you don't spend time with them you disappear from their world in a sense.
She is very active socially and like any teenager she sleeps in and spends hours in the bathroom (but that is another post!). At some point we had to have a talk with her about her role in the family. With kids it is something you have to work on. I could see that it surprised her to learn that the kids doesn't consider her to be a full member of the family.
She has started slow - she made cookies with them a while back and two days ago she spent a whole day with them at a mall and a movie. It went very well but now the kids has to learn to listen to her. There is still a language barrier but they are on the right track.
She is very active socially and like any teenager she sleeps in and spends hours in the bathroom (but that is another post!). At some point we had to have a talk with her about her role in the family. With kids it is something you have to work on. I could see that it surprised her to learn that the kids doesn't consider her to be a full member of the family.
She has started slow - she made cookies with them a while back and two days ago she spent a whole day with them at a mall and a movie. It went very well but now the kids has to learn to listen to her. There is still a language barrier but they are on the right track.
Nisse
In most countries christmas is a big deal. It is in Denmark as well and it is pretty much my favorite holiday so I tend to go over board come Christmas time. This year I decided to needlepoint a Christmas calender for her and for each day from December 1st to the 24th she will unwrap a little piece of danish Christmas. I am almost done - well done with the needlepoint anyway. I have been doing it as a secret from her so I have sewing like crazy when she wasn't home. The kids have been following my progress and as I was getting to the end I realized that they don't have one? So ... and this is where the going over board comes in - I started to needlepoint one for each of the twins - sigh ... only 1½ months to go before I have to be done - no problem!
As I was working on it she asked me what I was doing. I then started to explain a danish Christmas calender - one little present each day is easy enough to understand - the real challenge came when I said; "and on this one I am sewing a Nisse." Oh like a elf? Uhm no, not an elf. A gnome then? Uhm no not really. In the middle of my own explanation about Nisse-lore I had a out-of-the-body experience. I must have sounded like an idiot: A nisse is about yea high, not as a tall as an elf but taller than a gnome. I had no idea how much I know about Nisse and how ridiculous it sounds when someone tries to explain the concept. It is a very Scandinavian thing ... read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomte and he looks like this:
I can't wait to show her all the other strange things that make up a danish Christmas.
As I was working on it she asked me what I was doing. I then started to explain a danish Christmas calender - one little present each day is easy enough to understand - the real challenge came when I said; "and on this one I am sewing a Nisse." Oh like a elf? Uhm no, not an elf. A gnome then? Uhm no not really. In the middle of my own explanation about Nisse-lore I had a out-of-the-body experience. I must have sounded like an idiot: A nisse is about yea high, not as a tall as an elf but taller than a gnome. I had no idea how much I know about Nisse and how ridiculous it sounds when someone tries to explain the concept. It is a very Scandinavian thing ... read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomte and he looks like this:
I can't wait to show her all the other strange things that make up a danish Christmas.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Pictures for home
About two days into my year in Michigan my dad started bugging me for pictures. He even sent a film for me to shoot and instructions just to mail the film home so he could develope it in Denmark. Didn't help much. I can now see from the pictures that we were well into winter by the time I actually shot some pictures of where I lived, my school etc. The phrase I can still hear my hostmother saying is; "Bring your camera!" Didn't help either.
Again technology sure have changed in 20 years. Posting a instant memory to facebook when it is happening is awesome! And yet not much has changed ... I say "Bring your camera" to her and her parents are bugging her for pictures. She says it didn't have anything to do with the fact that her mom offered money for each posted picture but a few weeks ago she did start to take more pictures. I have even seen her camera out at several occasions.
At first she was stumped as to what to take pictures of. So I explained to her what it is her parents wants to see. Pictures of the street she lives on, pictures of the yellow bus she takes everywhere every day, the red trains, the school and anything that makes her smile or that would make her parents smile.
That helped - she took some great pictures of what I suggested and things I didn't even see coming; like this one:
It had the caption; "We're so happy to see you."
Thinking back and looking at my pictures from back then I must admit that it is the everyday pictures I wish I had more of.
Lessons learned
- Taking pictures requires persuation regardless of nationality and decade
- We have happy electrical outlets
Again technology sure have changed in 20 years. Posting a instant memory to facebook when it is happening is awesome! And yet not much has changed ... I say "Bring your camera" to her and her parents are bugging her for pictures. She says it didn't have anything to do with the fact that her mom offered money for each posted picture but a few weeks ago she did start to take more pictures. I have even seen her camera out at several occasions.
At first she was stumped as to what to take pictures of. So I explained to her what it is her parents wants to see. Pictures of the street she lives on, pictures of the yellow bus she takes everywhere every day, the red trains, the school and anything that makes her smile or that would make her parents smile.
That helped - she took some great pictures of what I suggested and things I didn't even see coming; like this one:
It had the caption; "We're so happy to see you."
Thinking back and looking at my pictures from back then I must admit that it is the everyday pictures I wish I had more of.
Lessons learned
- Taking pictures requires persuation regardless of nationality and decade
- We have happy electrical outlets
Contact with home
When I was an exchangestudent the only way to communicate with my family and friends back home was letters (the real kind) and phonecalls. And it took me a long time to write home the first time. And don't even get me started on pictures
But it is truly a different age now. Now there is facebook, skype, letters, blogs and phones. And maybe the expectations from home also is different now. Her family expects regular updates from her and that is a challenge for an exchangestudent. How much contact is too much? And since our own experiences have been so different how can we advise her? We also have contact with her parents so we had to sides to the dilemma and how should we deal with that? A tough situation for all.
As a parent I can appreciate the leap of faith it must take to send your child across the world to a family of strangers but as a former exchangestudent I know how important it is to immerse yourself in the new culture.
We consulted the experts: my hostparents to find out how to handle it. I kindly said to her parents that as long she integrates well into the danish culture there is no problem with at lot of contact but if it prevents her from integrating we need to set up a schedule that can meet both their and her needs.
Luckily we have been blessed with a student to very good negotiation skills. She will email once a week if they ask questions for her to answer in the email. If they request a skype call that counts as two weeks emails. Her mom recently offered to pay for each picture she posted on facebook. All we did was listen to her and her parents, give a few observations and left the decision making up to themselves.
Lessons learned
- Things sure have changed in 20 years
- Actual facetime can be a requirement from the natural parents
- We are here for her to help her make the most of her exchange year
But it is truly a different age now. Now there is facebook, skype, letters, blogs and phones. And maybe the expectations from home also is different now. Her family expects regular updates from her and that is a challenge for an exchangestudent. How much contact is too much? And since our own experiences have been so different how can we advise her? We also have contact with her parents so we had to sides to the dilemma and how should we deal with that? A tough situation for all.
As a parent I can appreciate the leap of faith it must take to send your child across the world to a family of strangers but as a former exchangestudent I know how important it is to immerse yourself in the new culture.
We consulted the experts: my hostparents to find out how to handle it. I kindly said to her parents that as long she integrates well into the danish culture there is no problem with at lot of contact but if it prevents her from integrating we need to set up a schedule that can meet both their and her needs.
Luckily we have been blessed with a student to very good negotiation skills. She will email once a week if they ask questions for her to answer in the email. If they request a skype call that counts as two weeks emails. Her mom recently offered to pay for each picture she posted on facebook. All we did was listen to her and her parents, give a few observations and left the decision making up to themselves.
Lessons learned
- Things sure have changed in 20 years
- Actual facetime can be a requirement from the natural parents
- We are here for her to help her make the most of her exchange year
A visit to the police station
There are many new experiences as an exchangestudent but also for the hostfamily. Due to som commincation problems she did not have her residence permit when she arrived in Denmark. And that became our task to take care of.
Meeting the official Denmark seen through the eyes of an foreigner is definitly a new experience for all of us involved. We actually had to make the trip to the policestation twice because she needed a picture ID ie. her passport to apply for the residence permit. Second time we had all the papers ready and drew a number. All my ideas about who has to apply for a permit was confirmed that day. In the 30-40 minutes we waited we saw a roma family, who may or may not have scammed the danish wellfare system a bit, an older danish man and his young asian wife, another danish/asian couple with their au-pair ...who was related to the wife, the middleeastern looking couple - the husband dressed like a dane and the wife dressed in hijab. I felt intrigued and embarrased at the same time. Intrigued becauce it is a part of the danish society I only read about and embarrased because I realized that I do have prejudices about who visits the police station to apply for a permit. I on the other hand welcome them to Denmark - any body who wants to live here are welcome in my book regardless of where they come from or how they ended up here.
When it became our turn it took the lady a long time to check if all the right documents were present only to discover that she needed a copy of the passport. Inside I sighed and thought oh no ... do we have to go out, copy it and wait in line again? Luckily she was able to make a copy right there so another trip back to the police station was avoided. All other items was good and after a few questions, a picture and fingerprints (!!!!) we could leave with the knowlegde that it would take 8 weeks to hear.
6 weeks later I called to check on the status of the application. It took me a while to figure out where to call at first. First I called the "Udlændingestyrelse" and after 4 choices; If you wan to listen to this in english press 1, (waited) "if you are calling about ... they then listed 4 different things like greencard, marriage, and lastly recidence permit press 4, pressed 4, after an additional similar choices I finally reached what I wanted: to learn the status of a recidence permit for students the friendly voice said you have chosen to learn what the status of a recidence permit for students - that is not taken care of in this department, pleace call "Styrelsen for fastholdelse og rekruttering" (board for retention and recruitment). Luckily I only had to go through 3 choices and 30 minutes hold on the phone before a reached an actual human only to get confirmed that yes they have received it and their standard processing time is 8 weeks.
Two days later a letter arrived from smae board. With great anticipation she opened the letter. But alas; they needed more documentation; a better copy of the passport and a consent form signed by both biological parents. Sigh ...
On October 29th she has been here three months so I hope we hear soon if she can stay.
Lessons learned:
- make sure that you always remind your student to bring picture id to any meeting the official Denmark
- make sure you have the list of what papers that are reqiuered to apply and check if all the documents are present
- don't let the police copy anything - you may end up redoing it yourself
- have plenty of time when calling the official Denmark
Meeting the official Denmark seen through the eyes of an foreigner is definitly a new experience for all of us involved. We actually had to make the trip to the policestation twice because she needed a picture ID ie. her passport to apply for the residence permit. Second time we had all the papers ready and drew a number. All my ideas about who has to apply for a permit was confirmed that day. In the 30-40 minutes we waited we saw a roma family, who may or may not have scammed the danish wellfare system a bit, an older danish man and his young asian wife, another danish/asian couple with their au-pair ...who was related to the wife, the middleeastern looking couple - the husband dressed like a dane and the wife dressed in hijab. I felt intrigued and embarrased at the same time. Intrigued becauce it is a part of the danish society I only read about and embarrased because I realized that I do have prejudices about who visits the police station to apply for a permit. I on the other hand welcome them to Denmark - any body who wants to live here are welcome in my book regardless of where they come from or how they ended up here.
When it became our turn it took the lady a long time to check if all the right documents were present only to discover that she needed a copy of the passport. Inside I sighed and thought oh no ... do we have to go out, copy it and wait in line again? Luckily she was able to make a copy right there so another trip back to the police station was avoided. All other items was good and after a few questions, a picture and fingerprints (!!!!) we could leave with the knowlegde that it would take 8 weeks to hear.
6 weeks later I called to check on the status of the application. It took me a while to figure out where to call at first. First I called the "Udlændingestyrelse" and after 4 choices; If you wan to listen to this in english press 1, (waited) "if you are calling about ... they then listed 4 different things like greencard, marriage, and lastly recidence permit press 4, pressed 4, after an additional similar choices I finally reached what I wanted: to learn the status of a recidence permit for students the friendly voice said you have chosen to learn what the status of a recidence permit for students - that is not taken care of in this department, pleace call "Styrelsen for fastholdelse og rekruttering" (board for retention and recruitment). Luckily I only had to go through 3 choices and 30 minutes hold on the phone before a reached an actual human only to get confirmed that yes they have received it and their standard processing time is 8 weeks.
Two days later a letter arrived from smae board. With great anticipation she opened the letter. But alas; they needed more documentation; a better copy of the passport and a consent form signed by both biological parents. Sigh ...
On October 29th she has been here three months so I hope we hear soon if she can stay.
Lessons learned:
- make sure that you always remind your student to bring picture id to any meeting the official Denmark
- make sure you have the list of what papers that are reqiuered to apply and check if all the documents are present
- don't let the police copy anything - you may end up redoing it yourself
- have plenty of time when calling the official Denmark
The first meeting
My first meeting with my hostfamily was in the Muskegon airport where I noticed a short lady taking pictures of me as I was stepping of the plane. I remember saying to the other danish exchange student next to me; who is that little lady who is taking pictures of us? The short lady turned out to be my hostmom. My hostparents were not a typical american family - it was only my hostparents, the dog and me. I on the other hand have a "real" family: mom, dad, 6 year old twins and a dog.
We spent most of the summer preparing for our student to arrive. We work best under a deadline and even though we ended up have lots more work than anticipated her room and bathroom was almost done when she arrived.
Like most hostfamilies we were so excited about her arrival so imagine my dissapointment when I realized that the week we were going to pick her up I would be in the States for my 20 year high school reunion. So my first meeting with her was when they picked me up at the airport. I was tired after spending most of the past 24 hours in a car, plane or sitting in an airport. At the same time my twins had missed me soooooo much that they were permanently attached to me from the time I came out with my bags.
And what is the correct way to greet a person who has been living in your house for the past week and already has established a bond with the rest of the family? Hug? Handshake? Or maybe just a small wave or a nod with the head? I honestly don't remember how I greeted her that first time.
Lessons learned
- as with most things in life nothing is as expected - deal with it
- don't travel when your student is arriving
We spent most of the summer preparing for our student to arrive. We work best under a deadline and even though we ended up have lots more work than anticipated her room and bathroom was almost done when she arrived.
Like most hostfamilies we were so excited about her arrival so imagine my dissapointment when I realized that the week we were going to pick her up I would be in the States for my 20 year high school reunion. So my first meeting with her was when they picked me up at the airport. I was tired after spending most of the past 24 hours in a car, plane or sitting in an airport. At the same time my twins had missed me soooooo much that they were permanently attached to me from the time I came out with my bags.
And what is the correct way to greet a person who has been living in your house for the past week and already has established a bond with the rest of the family? Hug? Handshake? Or maybe just a small wave or a nod with the head? I honestly don't remember how I greeted her that first time.
Lessons learned
- as with most things in life nothing is as expected - deal with it
- don't travel when your student is arriving
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